Women, Sexuality, and Media

I'm going to start this off with the comment that I left on a discussion board, and then continue from there, because I feel that I'd like to continue, but I didn't want the originator of the thread to think I was attacking their viewpoint by putting everything that I'd thought of in a comment, since most of it didn't apply to what she'd said.

"Personally, I view sexual confidence as being more a master of your own sexuality. What I mean by that is that it's been common knowledge (with studies confirming it, of course) for years that men masturbate more than women. A large part of that is because young women aren't told about masturbation, and coupled with the typical teaching that sex is bad and masturbation makes you a sexual deviant, they simply don't do it. The sad thing about that is that once they get into a sexual relationship, they rely upon their partner to give them sexual pleasure. They feel that the only way to feel that is with another person, which is a subconscious factor in why many women stay in relationships that are horrible for them, be they with a man or another woman.

Studies have shown that women who are the masters of their sexuality, who can experience sexual pleasure without the need of a partner, tend to be far more confident in themselves and far more independent. These are the women who are more prone to realizing that their existence is not justified by having a partner, but by their own actions and choices.

That said, and on a slightly unrelated note, I prop Queen Latifah as a good role model for women everywhere. She's a bigger gal who's always been "overweight," but she's confident in herself, which is one of the sexiest things I can think of. She supports being healthy, not degrading ones' self by trying to reach impossible standards, and she's very down to earth about it. Not only that, but she's incredibly intelligent. If you ever have the chance to listen to/watch one of her interviews, I highly recommend it. She's very well educated and knows what she's talking about. :)

In regards to pornography, one of the key things to take into account is oral sex. How often do women perform oral sex as opposed to men in pornography? It seems more and more that a pre-intercourse blow-job is becoming the standard, but very rarely is this ever reciprocated. Most pornographies follow the template of seduction, blow-job, intercourse, end. I'm not saying that there are no pornographies in which men perform oral sex on women, but they are by far fewer and farther between.

Also, compare movies played on television. How many times will you see a woman's bare breasts as compared to a man's sexual organs? I've seen all of two movies played on television in which I saw testicles or full penis, but I couldn't count how many bare breasts I've seen on television. Pornography is filmed sex; there will always be penis. However, day-time or even late-night television is a completely different story, and that's what more people are exposed to."

As I was typing the last paragraph, a thought had occurred to me that I'd never thought of before: Why are there so many 'girly mags' but so very few magazines for women in which there are naked men all over the place? There are dozens of magazines like Playboy, Maxim, Penthouse, Hustler, etc;, but the only magazine I can think of of that nature for women is Playgirl, and in the U.S., it seems like that's it (Also, according to a male friend of mine, Hustler has the best spreads).

Not only that, but there are restaurants like Hooters, in which women are further objectified by being made to wear low-cut shirts and short shorts, and yet there's no equivalent for women.

Now, I don't support equal objectification of both sexes as "equality." In fact, quite the opposite. I think that to objectify any human being regardless of sex or race, is to dehumanize them and therefore promote violence against them. However, if full equality can't be reached, then we should at least try to make things a fair playing field.

In regards to our appearances, I find that most advertisements are for women's products, such as make-up. It almost seems to me that our culture wants to keep women busy with their looks just as much as it promotes judgment of their looks. How much time do women spend putting their make-up on? How much time do they waste worrying over their appearance and making themselves "acceptable"-looking so that they can go out of the house?

There was an article in (I believe it was Time Magazine, but I haven't been able to find it online to link it) several years back in which Muslim women were interviewed. During this interview, when asked what they thought of the American opinion that they were oppressed, they asked a very good question. They asked about the oppression of American women, who feel that they can't leave their homes until they've put on all of that make-up. Is that not the American veil?

I'd like to see more women be comfortable with themselves. I sound like a hypocrite when I say this because I know that I'm the first person to feel bad about my appearance, but as a whole women need to become more confident in themselves and more comfortable. Women need to overall be more independent of men, because being too dependent only hurts us in the end.

In the movie 'Hairspray,' (as seen above) Queen Latifah sings "Big, Blonde, and Beautiful," a song about how-

"They say that white has might
And thin is in
Well, that's just bull
'Cause ladies big is back
And as for black
It's beautiful!

All shapes and sizes
Follow me!
Who wants a twig
When you can climb a whole tree?"

This is a very inspirational song sung by a very inspirational woman in my eyes. Queen Latifah has spent her life dealing with her weight, and advocates that you don't have to be thin to be healthy; but you do have to love the body you have, because it's the only one you get.

We don't need to judge ourselves and be judged by our appearances every single day. There are more important things to do in life (like living it).

And on that note, I'd like to leave you with a poem called "Homage to My Hips," by Lucille Clifton: